The more cliches we have to remind us how they stay the same?
But still, blogglings, I have recently discovered that one reality of my romantic life that emerged somewhere around the 8th grade seems doomed to remain forever constant: It is rare that the boys who like me I will like in return, while the boys that I do like will inevitably prefer somebody else (please excuse the clunky sentence structure in that last thought).
I have collected ample field evidence over the past nineteen years to be able to make the following observations. The first, is that the men who are attracted to me generally fall into two categories.
1.) Bad boys (in some cases quite bad, as in sporting swastika tattoos or married/engaged) looking for a quick fling.
2.) Needy headcases with an uncontrollable urge to validate the relationship once every few hours (we're still on for Wednesday, right? Are we going out Wednesday? Why haven't you called about Wednesday yet? Because dude, it's Monday?)
Based on this first set of evidence, I can therefore conclude that I am a magnet for dysfunction. I probably have something to do with this, and I suspect that has something to do with my problem with standards. Try as I might to raise them, my love of all things underdog like the Red Sox pre-2004 or stray kittens has imbued me with this stubborn need to give people a fair shake despite my instincts sometimes telling me it's time to run for the hills. Those of you who have read this blog over the years are well aware of all this. Just about every romantic entanglement I have shared with you has come with a warning label (Recently separated! Has a kid I'll never meet! Shipping over-seas through the Navy in six months! Hates Jews! Worships Rick Santorum!)
My mother, a lovely lady who is also a bit of an elitist, believes that all this could be remedied if I met a nice WASP with a degree from an Ivy League school and has therefore recommended that I join one of those God-awful dating sites for people who attended elite colleges and universities. Because apparently, my bizarre luck with men could be remedied if I started dating people who judge others based on the kinds of schools they went to. I think her point was that I should be dating men a bit more intelligent than the ones I've selected in the past, and I do see her point there. But "snob" hardly meshes with my populist sensibility. Sure, I like the finer things in life and have earned them well, but I think everyone should too.
Moreover, having attended one of the schools that would enable me to join such a service, I already spent four years surrounded by men with exceptionally high IQs and I can tell you this: a smartypants does not always a good partner make. Many are 1.) afraid of women or 2.) hell-bent on proving their intelligence at every turn of the conversation (I build super computers! I know PI down to the 20th decimal! I can recite in alphabetical order every member of the House Ways and Means Committee while also providing you with their shoe sizes and astrological charts!) or 3.) boring.
I'm sure there are a few smart single men reading this blog who don't fall into any of the above categories so let the record state that I don't think that all smart men carry those traits. Just the ones I have met.
Anyway. Having recently returned to the dating pool, I find myself with a myriad of options. But none that are really knocking my socks off. And while it's great to be pursued, wined/dined as I have over the past several weeks, it's also a bit exhausting. So as I write this I am tired. Tired of over-eager suitors. Tired of weird office dynamics that have come about as of late that have required me to suddenly prove my worth to a bunch of clueless men. And tired of a certain coworker, with whom I had the following exchange this morning.
Me (arriving exactly on time for a meeting only to find one person there): Why are people always so late for meetings here?
Him: I'm a person and I don't appreciate the way you just said that.
If only he were joking.
Le sigh. Further evidence that the men in DC have recently transformed into 13 year old girls.