I was thinking the other day about the boy I was so completely hung up on several months ago. Perhaps you remember him. He'd pop in and out of my life without notice offering a lame excuse for why he'd been absent, which I would interpret as him being all mysterious and deep which was of course, so *totally* cool, and then I'd go over to his lame studio apartment and makeout with him for several hours. Then he'd be all distant and weird the next day and ignore my email and the cycle would start all over again. Somewhere in each of these cycles I'd pen some missive about how it was really okay that he did that and in the comments section you'd all be like *Pff. Whatever, HP. You're in some serious denial.*
The denial that you all read into it was that I was secretly developing *feeelings* for the dude, which wasn't really the case. But now with some distance built into the situation I am no able to see it for what it was.
Yes, I was in denial. What I was denying wasn't my deep-seeded love for the guy but the fact that the ridiculous cycle was never ever going to develop into anything more than what it was--him stringing me along and dropping in whenever it was most convenient for him. And the fact that underneath it all, he was really just an immature douchebag. Women sometimes get so caught up in the drama and mystery of a romantic situation that they forget some very basic facts:
1.) If you have to work for it, it just ain't working.
2.) Guys who string you along are jerks and you shouldn't put yourself through that kind of emotional torture for a jerk.
In thinking about him the other day, I was trying to remember what about him seemed so great. On our first date I made most of the efforts at conversation, yet I interpreted his smiling across the table at me as boyish shyness. Wrong. He really just didn't have anything good to say. He was also a vegan, which presented a serious chink in our dating plans because I am a foodie and a rather adventurous one at that. While I spent several years as vegan in my youth and I understand where they're coming from, the adventure of eating exotic foods that very often contain the body parts of various animals is way too important to me to ever go vegan again. Moreover, he lived in a thoroughly crappy apartment that depressed me to no end. The fact that he was willing to shell out money for it suggested a definite lack of appreciation for the value of a dollar. I understand that housing is tight in DC, but he could have done much better. He employed mild taunting as a form of foreplay. For reals, he could really only get in the mood if I was being a bitch to him. At first I saw this as a challenge, but now the whole performance seems absurd. People who are dating and in relationships should be nice to one another. In thinking about all these negatives I finally remembered one positive:
He was absurdly hot. Granted, I do tend to gravitate to a type and he did fill that type, so I could be biased, but friends of mine have seen him and have confirmed my opinion to be sound. Tall; messy hair; scruffyish facial hair; crooked smile; eyes that were blue, blue, blue; and he looked damn smoking in a pair of cut-off army fatigues. As warped as it may be, I guess I thought that his attractiveness reflected well upon me and that I must also be pretty attractive if somebody like him would go for me.
I suppose I could have just bought a mirror. [This is somewhat off topic, but I used to be "special friends" with this guy whose favorite line was "have you looked in the mirror recently?" To which I'd always freak out and be like "Oh no, do I have food in my teeth? Is something wrong with my hair?" And he'd be all "Because you're gorgeous..." I fell for that damn trick every time. Anyway...]I just think it's funny that no matter how many times a loved one, random dude on the street or a girlfriend compliments my appearance, for some reason at that particular moment in my life, I was really only accepting that validation from the vegan douche-bag and not even receiving any at that. I'm going to try to not do that again.
So here is what I am proposing. The next time you see a girlfriend wallowing in the depths of misery because some guy she is dating mainly to validate her own beauty or other wonderful qualities is ignoring her, buy her a mirror. Looking at it will remind her of all her lovely qualities. It may not inspire her to kick her particular loser to the curb altogether, but I bet it would be a start.
Good looking men get away with so much, it's unbelievable.
In the comments section, agree with me that this guy was a jerk; or tell me what the stupidest reason you ever had for dating somebody was.