hey pretty

2010, I Think I Love You

Come here 2010, and let me give you a big old hug. Yes, and perhaps a big wet smooch on the cheek for good measure. What is it about you, 2010 that makes you so inherently superior to your crummy, useless predecessor 2009? While I understand it silly to believe that one's situation could change simply with the turn of a calendar page, the utter rockingness of this month has given me no choice but to posit the obvious: 2010 is already exceeding any expectations I could have set for it. Until last Friday, nothing extraordinary had occurred to inspire such ardor for the year, it just somehow seemed better.

But then on Friday, two minor miracles occurred. Have you ever received two pieces of information so good your brain has a hard time processing them? Like, your brain, so used to bad news and stressful situations just rejects two back-to-back triumphs and instead demands to know the catch? I hadn't. So it came as a significant shock to my system when first it was announced that everyone at work would be receiving a substantial cost of living increase for 2010. Like, raises that would be generous even if we weren't currently floundering about in a completely depressing recession. So that was cause for much ticker taping and ballyhooing, and dreams of vacations and all the awesome crap I get to buy for my apartment.

But then the truly grand news dropped.

My boss resigned. Or "resigned." Whatever. While no doubt juicy and minorly scandalous, the point here is that I never have to see her ever again--the person I like least in this world, and who likes me least in this world--the person totally not above picking random fights with me just because she happens to be having a bad day, not b/c I did anything wrong in my job. I've experienced many storms in my professional past--not all of which I have navigated with grace, nor even fully survived.

But despite the feeling of hanging on to my job by only my fingernails, it seems that this particular tempest is over, after a mere year of misery and gut-wrenching turbulence. So momentous were both these pieces of news last week, that the chatter and flurry of excitement they inspired caused our ED to send us home early. Or to happy hour, where I arrived to find my colleagues more elated than I had ever seen them, each raising a glass to my department-mate and me as we entered the bar. Like we had brought down one of our evil campaign opponents, not merely survived a year of suffering under a boss so bad I had often referred to her as "Cruella."

So, thank you 2010. Let's keep 'em coming, shall we?

How to Succeed in Business May Actually Take Trying

This week at work, we've been busy interviewing candidates to replace an associate in our department. Our team is kind of a mess right now in terms of interpersonal dynamics, and the challenge of a group interview where we all pretend we're happy together is akin to a very dysfunctional family at holiday dinner. In a word: uncomfortable.

Regardless, we must fill this position, so I have met a handful of applicants in the past week and now understand why our country has such a high unemployment rate right now. Sorry, that was insensitive, but I couldn't resist. But if the guy I spent 30 minutes with earlier today is any indication, joblessness is compelling people to apply for positions for which  they are clearly unqualified. Like this dude, who has a PR background, but no demonstrated interest in non-profits or advocacy organizations, let alone the kind composed mainly of earthy types who live to "fight the system." This was evident in his dodge of every question relating to his grasp of our policy issues and his preference of instead delivering grand speeches about the "need to defend the little guy."

Dude, I don't care about the many promotions you received as a journalist and what a hard-hitting newsman you once were. If you can't be bothered to at least brush up on some of the larger topics that my organization fights for, I fear for your commitment to coming through with concrete deliverables. Moreover, the testosterone that oozed out of your every pore suggested to me that I may have met you a long time ago at a frat party, where you may have been crushing beer cans on your head. Not a good fit for us. I suggest in the future that you, and others out there reading this who might benefit from a very obvious job-hunting tip, STUDY next time you interview. 

Over and out.

Wish Fullfillment?

Hey peanut gallery (who has been SO quiet recently. Seriously, speak up every now and then or else I will have to start calling you something else) guess what I did last night?

Yes, I did go to happy hour. But I only had one glass of wine, and by the time I walked home half a mile in the freezing cold, I wasn't even tipsy anymore (yes, tipsy after one glass of Pinot Noir--oh have the mighty have fallen). I skimmed how-to-write-a-novel books. Two of them in fact. And I can now quite confidently report (as if it wasn't abundantly obvious before) that novel writing is totally overwhelming for one who tends to peddle in press releases, op-eds, media statements and the occasional quasi-confessional blog entry.

Experts urge would-be novelists to write about what we know, which I am working on, I just happen to know quite a bit (calm down, I have never claimed to know much of anything useful or important. The mishigos that clutters my brain isn't all exactly something to be proud of). My problem seems to be the challenge of selecting which witty observations and nuggets of personal experience would be appropriate to use, and spinning them thusly. Also problematic is the dilemma of using real life characters as inspiration for fictional ones. Let's face it, I know a lot of characters. And I don't want any of them to sue me should I do a poor job of disguising any of them in ye old tome of navel gazing self reflection.

I suppose that much of this boils down to a crisis of confidence in my imagination. Or a clear lack of imagination, which of course, is totally worse.

Despite all this, I did manage to draft some short character sketches and rethink some structural decisions I realized I could be more flexible on. And this morning I discovered an old note book filled with scribblings, much of which were actually pretty good. Soon, I will be ready to pull the trigger and actually do this thing. Perhaps 2010 will be the year of the novel. Which, to be honest, has been a personal dream of mine for some time. If only I could figure out why realizing it would be so scary.

It Be Resolved

Now is the time of year that we contemplate resolutions in their various forms. Whether we commit to uphold new ones or not, it seems like practically everyone has something to say on the topic of self improvement in the new year. And why not? New Years resolutions are after all, a time honored tradition--so ingrained in the popular psyche that even those who don't make them often feel compelled to justify their actions.

As for HP? I tend to favor ones that seek to improve the quality of my life in rather unnecessary, yet fun ways. For instance, I am way more prone to resolving to "get more manicures" or "drink better wine" than I am to say, master my finances, apply for graduate school, lose 15 pounds, or finish my novel write page two of my novel. I mean, who wants to confront oneself with such potentially unpleasant and daunting challenges when one could instead have lovely hands with which to gesticulate, or enjoy the pleasures of a nice Malbec once in a while? Another thing about resolutions is that those made in say, January, tend to lose their immediacy and relevance months later. A resolution yet unmet in early '10 is one thing, and quite another in May. For those of us who procrastinate, New Years resolutions are festering time bombs of personal failure.

It's time to consider a new approach.

If the goal of a resolution is to enable one to make managable life improvements, and to actually like, better oneself, a more strategic approach is needed.

Which is why I'd like you all to consider the concept of monthly personal goals. In the beginning of every month, you conduct a quick assessment of your life and what you have going on, and then pick one or two things you'd like to accomplish, like "learn how to play bridge," or "organize front hall closet." You then have between 28 and 31 days to accomplish such feats. If for some reason, you take care of your goals before the month is over, you can set some more goals. Regardless, breaking your self improvement goals down into month-long periods creates a more pressing deadline for you to enact them, and doing so will give you the sense of achievement and satisfaction to propel you to the next. 

Lest you think that I am some sort of uber-organized, highly motivated person capable of maintaining a level of initiative and momentum unheard of by mere mortals, well...think again. This is me we're talking about here--lazy, unmotivated, a slacker par excellence, a Type B adrift in a city of neo-maxy zoom Type As. If I can do it, so can you.

And speaking of me, I have already accomplished my two goals for January. The first was to establish a reasonable morning fitness routine. This has proven far easier than I ever imagined. Every weekday morning I wake up at 7 and go downstairs to the gym in my apartment building, and I do 30 minutes of cardio at whatever piece of equipment is available. I find that waking up isn't so terrible if I remind myself that there is no point in putting it off, as I will have to get up eventually anyway. It's not like I can just stay in bed all day, so are those extra 30 minutes of alarm clock snooze tag worth it? No. No, they are not. It also seems that exercising in the morning pumps endorphins into my body, and I am not quite as grouchy and lethargic as I am if I sleep in. Finally, it fills me with a sense of accomplishment. Even if I do nothing else all day, and totally space out at work, at least I burned 200 calories that morning. If it helps me burn the evil 5 (10??) pounds I seem to have accidentally packed on over the past 6 months, even better. 

Goal #2 was to update my resume. Seeing that I forgot how I had mostly already done that a few months ago, I accomplished that feat yesterday and may even motivate to do something with it. Of course,  having completed my resume, I now like my job again. But I'm sure this feeling will not last long. At least while my evil fembot of a boss is still around.

Ps; Apologies for the janky formatting on this entry, Typepad seems to be experiencing some sort of quarter life crisis.